Saturday, February 23, 2013

My friend Natalie wrote me a message one day that she was reading this book and she liked it.......another self-help book just for me to read and try to apply to my life......the title sounded interesting and so I reserved it at the library and picked it up.  People at my work were very skeptical when they would see me with this bright red book.  Ha, I was even skeptical.  But, the more I read it, the more I thought that I could apply some of the things she was saying to my life.  At the beginning, I really just wished that there was a book out there for men to read ¨Marry Her: The case for settling for MISS good enough¨ (AKA ME!!!).  I feel like I have already overcome a lot of the barriers that she wrote about in her book and I don´t feel like I´m overly picky in dating and I also feel like an 8 is great because I´m an 8 and I hope someone will pick me. The underlying theme of the book is that there is no Prince Charming/Princess Charming out there for us to find.  We find a normal, average, boring person just like us and they over time become everything that we wanted, hoped for, and more.

* The most exciting aspect of her marriage has been learning how someone can surprise you.  A guy may not seem exciting on the surface, but he may offer something more exciting over the long term: interesting ways of looking at the world; the ability to make you laugh after a long day at work; a sweet way of challenging you to become the best version of yourself; being a wonderful dad.  The man of your dreams? Absolutely.  He just doesn´t look the way he did in your daydreams.
* I´m not asking you to settle, I´m asking you to broaden your fantasies.
* It´s easy to find the things you dislike about a person, but it´s more productive to find the things you like.
* While a satisficer is content with something great, a maximizer is content only with the absolute best....It´s about finding someone who is ENOUGH, as opposed to someone who is EVERYTHING.
* It´s not about changing the other person, it´s about accepting things about the other person that you´d like to change, but can´t.
* Don´t be picky!  Be Happy!
* Needs versus wants ----
* Dating seems romantic, but for the most part it´s an extended audition.  Marriage seems boring, but for the most part it´s a state of comfort and acceptance.
* The Prince Charming price tag!!!
* Arranged marriages: There was nothing wrong with him.  Romance isn´t the primary focus in the beginning.  It´s more about whether there is a good fit value-wise.
* The commitment of marriage is liberating ----- and studies have shown that married people are happier than single people.
* The chemistry addiction ---- chemistry is ¨getting each other¨--- chemistry sometimes leads to bad decisions.
* Chemistry is important, it just helps to know that it might take time to develop.  If there´s tons of initial chemistry, it´s hard to develop a realistic picture of the person, and if it turns out the guy is unkind, or selfish, or unreliable, it´s hard to let go because you´re already hooked   [THIS IS MY PROBLEM 99% OF THE TIME!!!]
* We now see marriage based entirely on finding the perfect lover.  You should be looking for a compatible and reliable partner to help you achieve mutual life goals.
* A PERSON DOESN´T NEED A FAIRY TALE MARRIAGE TO ACHIEVE THIS HAPPINESS BOOST EFFECT.  ONLY A GOOD ENOUGH ONE.  Its not really about settling, its about realistic expectations.

I liked the book. It was an interesting read. And I learned a lot.  Now, I just hope that I can find someone who thinks that I am good enough because I sure feel like I am!

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